Monday, May 23, 2011
Hello. Today is a hard day for me. Forgetsies, Dropsies, grumpy pants. These days happen. Fortunately I can remember what it feels like to be bright, confident and assured. Fortunately I have incredible teachers in my life that I can look forward to breathing with, and absorbing their wisdom. I plod through a frustrating day, and feel completely ineffective, poor, and lost. While I read about my adventurous Acro Yoga teacher rock climbing in Spain, taking coastal trains and delving into markets, cafes, parks and rooftops, I wish for a bit more freedom. But then I see an email about Northwest Herbalism training. Which costs money. And what about Ayurveda? What am I supposed to do next? But I can't even keep enough cash in my checking account to pay for the next local yoga workshop I want to take. And so on.
This is all just chatter. The fluctuations of the mind. So I breath in and calm my body, I breathe out and smile. I truly believe that the physical act of smiling creates the corresponding emotion in the mind! Which is why its so nice to cross your eyes at yourself in the morning as you brush your teeth!
The past few weeks I have been participating in a workshop led by my fellow teacher, Kiara Boch called 40 Days to Personal Transformation. I came into the workshop without a strong sense of committment, just my usual easy going nature to try it out, learn something new, and have fun. Well its not fun. Transformation is hard. The level of awareness that I am opening up to is quite challenging. The old, self-defeating tapes grow louder as I begin to recognize them, and try to change them. Have you every noticed that? Every time you try to break a bad habit, it seems to cling to you with increasing strength?
Om shanti shanti shanti